timeless like a broken watch

I was able to talk to him. We cleared the air and he took accountability for what happened. I'm more likely to give back respect to someone who can admit what they did and apologise. We're working on being friends again.

I started rewatching Queer As Folk on Netflix after finishing Grey's Anatomy and its eleven seasons. Four episodes in and I'm reminded of my life fifteen years ago. Do I miss it? Some times. I remember my friends and I wanting to live like Ted, Michael, Brian, Emmett, Justin, and the others (save for the lesbians!). I think in an unrelated way, my life is like that- I have a family of choice and we're there for each other. I'm still trying to figure out who to ask to hide my porn and other accrutrements if I'm in a coma. 

He didn't call. I didn't expect him to.
I deleted him from Facebook and my phone. And it was marvelous.

quickest girl in the frying pan

He never called. I never expected that. I honestly feel much better letting him go as it was too much for me and my soul to rely on. After I called him, I meditated and did an energy cleanse; I awoke the day emotionally rested.

I've been focusing on my friend with benefits and wondering where it will lead.

I'm back from a late night impromptu drink sesh with an acquaintance and I can say he's made his way into a my life as a friend. We talked, we dish, we disclosed and it had been a long time coming. He's a welcome addition to my circle.

found your writing on my wall…

Rather than allowing myself to wallow in way too many emotions and tracks by Tori Amos, I decided to call the guy I was digging on. This was after I noticed he was in the area and asked if he'd like to meet for coffee and he declined. I had been feeling uneasy. I knew he wouldn't pick up, which was easier and I called him. I told him ever since we last saw each other, I feel that he’s been distancing himself and I’ve been wanting to have this conversation for a few weeks and that this whole incident has made me feel uneasy. I also said he doesn’t have to plan anything for Friday (I had been able to reach him via text and say we needed to hang out). I ended it by saying that while it’s his choice to call back, but I’d eventually would like to speak with him. 

My friend who is a therapist said I handled it well. I'm not upset about this. I'm just glad I did something before it could fester and annoy me. I have awesome people in my life. To quote Cocteau Twins, "I think, yes, I'm doing a fine job."

nothing's gonna stop me from floating…

There are times that I feel rather introspective and I cannot stop listening to Tori Amos, especially the songs that are about relationships with men (which means most of Boys for Pele). For the last month, I've been drawn to songs like "Caught A Lite Sneeze," "Cooling," "Honey," "Horses," and "Father Lucifer." There's something about those songs that help me think about the men in my life and how I should evaluate them.

I've recently reconnected with someone who is honestly, a friend with benefits. We can be intimate and not expect more from the liason. There have been times that I've wondered if I should pursue things, but my own hesitations have prevented me from doing so. I feel comfortable with him. It's like wearing your favourite t-shirt or pair of jeans; you don't have to explain an absence, it just feels natural to you.

I've had "the feels," for lack of a better term, for the last guy I've talked about for about a month. But his lack of frequent communication reminds me of The Canadian. It's difficult to plan things with him because he doesn't get back to me. And I wonder if I should keep persuing thing because I've no idea how he truly feels about me. I don't want to pester him with texts, but I don't want to say anything via text because I feel it's something that's better discussed in person.

After a respite…

I've not been inclined to really write until a few days ago. The man who was making me giggle the last time has ultimately put himself in the friend zone, which I don't mind. But the last few months have changed my mood.

We started chatting on Growlr and it progessed to what my comadre Laura calls an "ambiguous queer hangout." I told him during this AQM that I was calling it a date retroactively. He agreed. We've had more dates and they've all been great. This last date, he went with me to a friend's birthday party. I was glad and thankful he chose to go with me and meet my friends. He seems very inclined to attend one of my birthday celebrations soon.

I can honestly say that I dig him; there's no other way I can put it. I even bought him a gift: a pair of socks with a koala wearing DJ headphones and a really cute small mug from Daiso. He liked it. He wasn't weirded out or put off, he sincerely enjoyed it.

I don't know where this is going, but I'm rather glad I'm along for the ride.